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The Marriage of Bigotry and Shortsightedness

February 19, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

It must be awful to be a Conservative MP right now, following the recent successful vote for gay marriage. After all, based on some of the arguments put forward, it’s easy to see why it’s such a problem for them to deal with and why it affects them so badly.

I mean, look at David Burrowes, who claimed that allowing same-sex couples to marry would downgrade the entire institution of marriage. I mean, of course we know that. As soon as same-sex couples are allowed to marry, it’ll make all straight marriages null and void. Every marriage would instantly break apart, causing divorce lawyers to be horribly overworked trying to rush everyone into the inevitable gay marriages these former straight couples will be forced into.

Let’s not listen to Steve Reed, who claimed that if you don’t like gay marriage, you shouldn’t marry a gay person, but he clearly doesn’t understand how we’ll all be forced to marry a gay person if all this went ahead. It’s absurd to think that there’d be a choice in the matter. It’s simple logic that these attempts to make gay marriage acceptable are just the beginnings to make us all gay against our will.

Or worse! After all, Matthew Offord did raise a perfectly legitimate and not-at-all insane point that it could easily lead to polygamy. My god, how terrible that would be. So even if straight couples aren’t immediately forced apart to marry people of the same sex, they could be forced to add a third person to their relationship, and that would be the worst thing.

The redefinition of marriage came up an awful lot too, and sure, it would redefine it. I mean, marriage laws have stayed basically the same for centuries and never changed once. Some could argue that the Church Of England’s opposition for this reason is hypocritical because the Anglican Church exists solely because Henry VIII wanted a divorce, but that would be crazy talk.

And let’s not forget Stephen Timms, who pointed out that marriage revolves around children, and gay couples can’t naturally have children. That’s why it’s also illegal for elderly or infertile couples to marry too, and why it’s illegal for gay people to adopt. Children are the single reason people get married and not because they want to be together or anything.

In fact, the concept of gay people getting married was so baffling a concept for Tony Baldry that he simply couldn’t seem to put together a coherent argument. He babbled about it taking away basic human rights and how all divorces are caused by adultery which can’t happen in a gay relationship. Poor guy, he’d clearly gone mad from the outrage. You see! This is why it shouldn’t be legalised. Think of poor Tony!

Oh, sure, the likes of David Lammy may suggest that this is no different to the civil rights movement for black people, but Stewart Jackson rightly points out that it’s completely different. The civil rights movement was about getting rid of discrimination against people who just happened to be born a certain way, which gay marriage TOTALLY ISN’T. This is about forcing a deviant lifestyle choice onto otherwise upstanding citizens. Like MPs, the most upstanding citizens of them all, with no criminal charges, questionable associates, false expense claims or suspicions of corruption about them whatsoever.

Or maybe all of that is just bollocks and those MPs are a bunch of outdated, out-of-touch moaners putting far too many of their life decisions on a two thousand year old book that also claims hamburgers are evil. One or the other.

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