Archive for the ‘Ferret’s Gaming Rumours’ Category

Nintendo Switch Lineup is Now Just Fire Emblem

January 19, 2017 Leave a comment

In a shocking twist, Nintendo have just announced that their latest console, the Switch, will feature a library consisting entirely of Fire Emblem titles.

“We decided that this was for the best,” said Reggie Fils-Aime, while holding a sword and inexplicably wearing a garish blue wig. “We have had lots of requests for new games from our fans, and implementing all of our franchises into the Fire Emblem universe is simply the logical choice.”

In addition to a dedicated title in the strategy RPG series coming to Switch in 2018, Nintendo have confirmed that even previously-announced titles will feature Marth, Chrom and Roy in some form. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild will feature Fire Emblem characters as Sages, while Mario’s hat in Super Mario Odyssey has been revealed to be haunted by the spirit of Lucina from Fire Emblem Awakening.

“We’ve had a lot of feedback from our fans saying that they want us to finally give Mother 3 the Western release it deserves,” said Reggie, getting everyone’s hopes up, “so we decided to instead pull out another previously Japan-only release – Fire Emblem Gaiden – and remake it for the 3DS. That’s what people wanted, right?”

Rumours suggest that this rebranding of Nintendo as “The Fire Emblem Company” will also involve a long-awaited Metroid game set in the Fire Emblem universe, where Samus is now a warrior anime child. Animal Crossing is also getting an overhaul, with your new neighbours being exclusively squad members from everyone’s favourite strategy RPG that isn’t that Final Fantasy one. Super Smash Bros will also be getting a new title where the only characters on the roster are Fire Emblem characters, because six of the bastards wasn’t nearly enough last time.

“We’ve been trying to encourage other companies to follow in our innovative steps,” continued Reggie. “We called up Sega and hinted that it’s been a while since they made a Shining Force game, but they hung up on us and now they won’t return any of our calls. Which I find very odd.”

More news on this story as it develops.